I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my shit smells like andre
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
