I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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