Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
