Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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