My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
