That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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