Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
