You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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