I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
