Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
