He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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