Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
