I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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