I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
