TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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