And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
