In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
