let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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