rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she peed on how many people?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
