But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
