You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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