I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
