I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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