His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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