i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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