It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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