He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
