well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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