I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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