Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
