Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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