So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
