Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize