well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
