oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
