her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A+ Viking dick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
