i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
