I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
