woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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