woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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