Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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