I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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