I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
