Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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