I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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