I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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