got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
