The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you never un-have a 4some
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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