he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize