I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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