Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
