why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize