There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize