my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
