Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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