maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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