Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
