I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
