tell your sister to shave her snatch
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
