meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We just shotgunned beers for America
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
