We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
