8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
