I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
