when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I look better un-naked...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
