I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
