When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
