I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
