So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
