He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
