the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
