There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
