I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
