Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize