Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize