But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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