so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
