My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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