Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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