when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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