i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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