If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
