My nipple is on Facebook.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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