I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
