The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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