Can i not drive my cunt home
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
