Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
