listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
