pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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