Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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