you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
