Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
