I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
