That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize