I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
